You are viewing subtleassphinx

Boats & Birds [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]

[ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ]
[ archive | journal archive ]

second chances [Jun. 25th, 2014|06:04 pm]
[Tags|, , , , , , ]

Paris Notre Dame
Notre-Dame de Paris sketches.

above: first attempt back in 2012 when i was freaking out being alone in a dark RER station in Paris without a working data network on my phone.
below: 2nd attempt but impatience still got to me.
insta: @subtleassphinx

Link5 comments|Leave a comment

(no subject) [Jun. 14th, 2014|05:33 pm]
[Tags|, , , , , , ]

what a month-long of late night trainings, nights of costume sewing amounted to as i turned 23 last weekend. (:
Link2 comments|Leave a comment

late night thoughts x dance [Jun. 13th, 2014|05:29 pm]
[Tags|, , , , ]

"you are free to do whatever you want here. do it your way. explore."
art hands me the key to endless possibilities. it liberates me from the anvil that keeps me from soaring. compelled to work within cages, i try to make the best out of what i've got. working within measures is all i have.

or so id thought.

today im crumbled by the knowledge of how i fail myself. on the very rare and precious occasions that art presents me absolute freedom, i push it back, appalled. "this isnt what i wanted. i cant do this. this doesnt feel safe. im scared. help. no."
the anvil id envisioned to be the world was merely the workings of my own mind. i am unable to take flight, much less to soar. my limbs are bound by nothing but the taut rope of fear snaking through my body.

is liberation from the self a possibility at all?
Link4 comments|Leave a comment

i think others to be naive [May. 22nd, 2014|01:44 pm]
[Tags|, , , , ]

only to realise im the naive one.
LinkLeave a comment

"Loneliness is the human condition. Cultivate it." [May. 16th, 2014|02:13 am]
[Tags|, , , , , , , , , , , ]

it still feels like ive only just begun to dance. but i look back and it's been 4 years. i can't deny ive grown since the first i'd danced. but as with anyone with love and passion for anything, the sky is limitless and i just want to soar. don't we all?

as i explore other genres of dance while attempting to balance my commitments to MJ, i realised how lonely the dance journey can be at times. being so tied to MJ and my mates in the club, we often don't realise how comfortable we are growing together. comfort is good but so are struggles, i've learnt.

ive tried dabbling in breaking but honestly, it's a whole new world, new cultures that i can't help but feel a total stranger to. and there was never anyone walking alongside me on that treacherous road. so i gave up- tucked my tail between my legs and ran. i need a support system. i can't thrive alone.

now that i've started popping, even if for just two sessions, i'd found myself downloading as many popping/ funk music as i can this afternoon, wanting to practice my basics so i wouldn't let Melise or Robin, who were angels enough to take me into their item despite being a total newbie, down. it's a dance genre that is driven by techniques and basics, that i lack. but i'm willing to try because i'm excited about learning, as i always am. i am i am i am.

but as always, it can get lonely. especially when you're excited but nobody's around to share your excitement, to see you smile when you finally got a move right, simply because they do not understand/ want to understand.

but it's okay.
i may not thrive alone, but if there's one thing i take pride in, it's knowing i'm doing a damn good job surviving independently of others. as Janet Fitch once wrote, “Loneliness is the human condition. Cultivate it. The way it tunnels into you allows your soul room to grow. Never expect to outgrow loneliness. Never hope to find people who will understand you, someone to fill that space. An intelligent, sensitive person is the exception, the very great exception. If you expect to find people who will understand you, you will grow murderous with disappointment. The best you’ll ever do is to understand yourself, know what it is that you want and not let the cattle stand in your way."

Link2 comments|Leave a comment

round and round and about. [Apr. 27th, 2014|03:43 pm]
[Tags|, , , , , , , , ]


ive kinda stopped writing extensively in my journals, both cyber and physical, idk why. perhaps having to keep up with my own life really isnt much of a priority when i feel like ive already lost control. shrugs. i tend to write with the intention to keep track of my thoughts and my daily life, knowing exactly what's going on in my life in my own head. but for the past year, there's just been a bit too much physical and brain activity for me to want to keep track and yknow when things get too much to hold on you just let go of the reigns totally? yea, that. ive let go of the reigns but the horse im riding isnt slowing down or stopping anytime soon. i still feed my horse carrots cause i love animals and would never do anything to hurt them.. but. where am i headed to? what is my purpose? what time is it? where am i? i have so many questions and like my horse, time isnt slowing down and will never do so until my horse dies of old age and collapses like my physical body would over time. or perhaps, without reigns, itd run into an unprecedented cliff ahead and crash 1000feet down into the river below with sharp jagged rocks. shrugs.

where can i go to find direction?
Link2 comments|Leave a comment

proverbs 4:23 [Apr. 20th, 2014|11:41 pm]
[Tags|, , , , , ]

"above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it."
Link2 comments|Leave a comment

untouchable. [Apr. 20th, 2014|05:37 pm]
[Tags|, , ]

LinkLeave a comment

what happens when i try to study for exams.. [Apr. 17th, 2014|01:47 am]
[Tags|, , , , , , , , ]

caged heart (rough sketch)
- design by me as requested by my cousin who wanted it done for a tattoo.
Link2 comments|Leave a comment

youve got a dime but ive got my penny. [Apr. 11th, 2014|04:41 pm]
[Tags|, , ]

my new best friend this summer break ^.^
LinkLeave a comment

[ viewing | most recent entries ]
[ go | earlier ]